A Bishop’s Delicate Reproof of a Guest from Il Galateo by Judy Mead

Formation

A Bishop’s Delicate Reproof of a Guest

Judy Mead

Recently an old Italian manual on manners came into my hands. It was written in the 16th century by Archbishop Giovanni della Casa of Benevento, who wanted to do his countrymen the service of reminding them of the importance of good manners. It is titled A Treatise on Politeness and Delicacy of Manners Addressed to a Young Nobleman and written in the popular style of the day of an imaginary older man instructing his pupil.

Cardinal della Casa by Pontormo

For those who might object to a Bishop wasting his time addressing the topic of manners, Msgr. della Casa has a ready response: There is nothing less ridiculous or superfluous than things that tend to make us more agreeable to our neighbors in society. While politeness in itself is not really a virtue, he admits, yet it so nearly resembles a virtue as to hardly be distinguished from it.

This treatise became one of the most popular books of its day. The Italian man who hadn’t read Il Galateo, as the Treatise was called, was considered the proverbial ill-bred country bumpkin.

In Part I of this treatise on politeness, there is an interesting story relating the delicate treatment of the Bishop in giving a small reprimand and the gracious reception of the reproof by his houseguest. Instead of having resentment for being corrected, the guest receives the criticism with gratitude as an act of charity. How amiable life would be if we would all give and receive reprimands in this spirit. The story follows.

An instance of delicate reproof

There lived in Verona a very wise and learned Bishop who used to treat all his guests with courtesy and hospitality. One day a nobleman, Count Richard, came to Verona and stayed with Bishop Gilberti and his household. Although the Bishop found much to admire in the count’s manners, he noticed that the count had one small fault. He wanted to bring this failing to the count’s attention without offending him. So Bishop Gilberti sent for one of his discreet friends, Galateo, and instructed him to accompany Count Richard on his departure and to tactfully inform him of his fault.

Galateo engaged the count in pleasant conversation along the way until the moment he judged to be the proper time to convey the Bishop’s message. With a friendly smile Galateo said to the count, “Sir, my lord the Bishop is exceedingly grateful for the honor you have done him by coming to his humble house and staying with him. He has also asked me to make you a gift on his behalf, in recognition of the great courtesy you have shown him. He earnestly begs you to accept it in good heart, and this is what I have to impart to you.

Della Casa stresses table manners
in his book on politeness

“In the Bishop’s opinion, he has met no man more courteous and mannerly than yourself, and, therefore, he has studied your behavior closely and examined it in every particular. He has found that it is in all points most engaging and commendable, except for this one shortcoming: that when you are eating at table you make a strange noise with your mouth and lips which is very distressing to hear. The Bishop has asked me to draw your attention to it and begs that you should do your utmost to guard against it. In place of a parting gift, he prays you to accept this friendly reproof and admonition, for he is certain that no one else in the world would bestow it upon you.”

Count Richard, who had been unaware of this fault, felt a bit embarrassed by Galateo’s words. On reflection, however, appreciation for the bishop’s instruction eclipsed his loss of composure.

He replied to Galateo, “Please tell the Bishop that men would be far richer than they are, if all the gifts which they exchange were the equal of his. Return to him my unbounded thanks for his great affability and kindness towards me. Assure him that for the future I shall most certainly take the greatest pains to correct this fault. May God be with you!”

To end the chapter, Archbishop Giovanni della Casa asks some questions of his readers. What can we suppose this worthy Prelate (who was disappointed with Count Richard for a trifling) would say to your contemporaries who have such disgusting table manners: the personage Mr. X, who thrusts his snout into his food like a hog and doesn’t lift it until he is finished; the illustrious Mr. Y, with his cheeks inflated as if sounding a trumpet as he hastily devours his food; the well- known Mr. Z, with his hands smeared up to his elbows in grease and his napkin so filthy as to make the dish cloth appear clean?

Such persons, he concludes, do not deserve to be entertained by the noble Prelate, but rather to be banished from the assemblies of the polite.

Posted August 29, 2008

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