Women & Men in Society
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
Dignifying the Man – II
The Exterior Is a Reflection of the Interior
If someone were to ask me what is one scriptural verse that should be known by all men seeking greater authority in their marriages and more respect from their family and friends, it would be this: “The attire of the body, and the laughter of the teeth, and the gait of the man, show what he is" (Eccles 19:27). This one verse, soberly contemplated, contains all the wisdom one needs to understand the seriousness of good customs.
/B024_Chan.jpg)
God designed us in a way that our exterior is a reflection of our interior. Today, however, young men want to believe that this link does not exist and does not matter. A young man finds tradition, returns to Mass, and prays every day. However, he does not change his behavior or clothing, and continues to dress and act in much the same way as before he converted. He becomes the “Sunday only” Catholic where his dignity as a man shows only at Mass.
When confronted with the idea that he should be dressing and acting with more decorum in his daily life, he will object that the one offering the advice is scrupulous and that God does not care about such inconsequential material things but only what is in the heart.
Despite instinctively feeling a link between his exterior and interior, he cannot bring himself to acknowledge it nor change his habits.
Reasons for rejecting change
I can think of three main reasons for this.
First, when a man starts to repent for major sins such as pornography, fornication, stealing, lying, disobeying, etc., he feels a great weight taken off his shoulders and begins to experience the healing power of God. The new life he has gained came with such a struggle that now he feels as if he has “won the war” against his sins and enters a sort of “maintenance mode.” Now all he has to do is simply stand watch against the bad habits that led to sin so they do not creep into his daily life again and he can remain in a state of grace. There are no new mountains to climb.
/B024_hus.jpg)
Second, he enjoys his lazy behavior. When a man – like most men today – has been formed following the casual modern way of being, he can simply not wish to upset this comfortable life. Comfort has become more important for him than dignity and to suggest that to give due glory to God, he should stop wearing blue jeans and telling crude jokes, he chooses not to hear these words, and slouches back down on the couch with his feet on the table, as he has done for most of his life.
Third, he cannot bear the pain of upsetting and potentially losing his friends and family. How often a friend will ridicule a man who begins to present himself consistently with dignity and decorum.
A man who chooses to please his family and friends over God will easily justify himself: “Well, these customs are not that important and I do not want to stand out upsetting others. After all, isn’t concern about making a good presentation a way to favor pride and vanity?”
It is just an excuse. The truth is a civilized man presents himself with the dignity his social condition requires to show the respect he has for himself and for God, in whose presence he always is. Simply put, he loves his family and friends more than God, and so he leaves God out of the equation when he falsely determines that his clothing and customs have no bearing on his spiritual life.
We see here that the greatest weakness a “good” Catholic man can commit is the weakness that sends most such “good” men to Hell: self-deception.
He deceives himself into believing there is no need to change his behavior and dress, that his lazy manners are not sinful, and that his weakness to face the judging eyes of his family and friends is not actually a defect or result of human respect. In short, he is more concerned about the opinions of his fellow men than the judgment of God.
When a man serves God on his own terms, he will refuse objective good advice and assure himself that his position is correct. All he has to do is say: “Customs do not matter, clothing does not matter, I am going to Mass and praying and that is all that matters!” If he reads the verse in Ecclesiasticus (19:27), he will brush it off and pretend it refers to customs relative to the society of that time, and not some objective truth for all times, and be done with it.
The effect on marriage
What effects does this unwillingness to change customs have on a man’s marriage? When he returns to the Faith and repents of his mortal sins, he sets progress in his dignity and manners on a back burner. He begins to habitually tell himself, “Things are okay” and “I am doing fine” and “There is no need to change anything else.”
/B024_Tie.jpg)
But things are not okay on the home front. The good wife, who looks to her husband for direction and leadership, finds that nothing has changed in his vulgar clothing, language and manners. He is too lazy to change in this terrain, and it naturally follows, too lazy to assume the leadership responsibilities in the family. He has been blind to the seriousness of these small habits for a long time, and now it does not even cross his mind that this lack of dignity could cause disturbances in his marriage.
His wife, who is more likely to have changed her customs with the return to tradition, opens her eyes to the state of her husband. She sees that the attire of his body is that of a foolish boy, his laughter and expressions are erratic and rowdy, his gaits and gestures without discipline or order. It becomes an increasing suffering for her as she continues to grow and walk alone in dignity and good customs. Since she is expected to follow this man who does not give good example or serious direction, she begins to resent him, and this affects not only her own spiritual life but the harmony in the home she craves.
For a man to change today, let him read, contemplate this verse, understand it well, and put it into practice. Let it become a part of his way of being and be at the forefront of his thoughts and actions and lead him to make correct decisions in his personal and family life.
If the truths in this verse are disregarded as irrelevant, the man will fall into self-deception. For, in short, he is denying and rejecting the fruit of thousands of years of Catholic effort to correct bad human tendencies to build a Catholic Civilization.
To be continued
/B024_Con.jpg)
Customs & clothing must change with the conversion
When confronted with the idea that he should be dressing and acting with more decorum in his daily life, he will object that the one offering the advice is scrupulous and that God does not care about such inconsequential material things but only what is in the heart.
Despite instinctively feeling a link between his exterior and interior, he cannot bring himself to acknowledge it nor change his habits.
Reasons for rejecting change
I can think of three main reasons for this.
First, when a man starts to repent for major sins such as pornography, fornication, stealing, lying, disobeying, etc., he feels a great weight taken off his shoulders and begins to experience the healing power of God. The new life he has gained came with such a struggle that now he feels as if he has “won the war” against his sins and enters a sort of “maintenance mode.” Now all he has to do is simply stand watch against the bad habits that led to sin so they do not creep into his daily life again and he can remain in a state of grace. There are no new mountains to climb.
It is easier to continue the casual way of being, even when the wife is making an effort to be less casual
Third, he cannot bear the pain of upsetting and potentially losing his friends and family. How often a friend will ridicule a man who begins to present himself consistently with dignity and decorum.
A man who chooses to please his family and friends over God will easily justify himself: “Well, these customs are not that important and I do not want to stand out upsetting others. After all, isn’t concern about making a good presentation a way to favor pride and vanity?”
It is just an excuse. The truth is a civilized man presents himself with the dignity his social condition requires to show the respect he has for himself and for God, in whose presence he always is. Simply put, he loves his family and friends more than God, and so he leaves God out of the equation when he falsely determines that his clothing and customs have no bearing on his spiritual life.
We see here that the greatest weakness a “good” Catholic man can commit is the weakness that sends most such “good” men to Hell: self-deception.
He deceives himself into believing there is no need to change his behavior and dress, that his lazy manners are not sinful, and that his weakness to face the judging eyes of his family and friends is not actually a defect or result of human respect. In short, he is more concerned about the opinions of his fellow men than the judgment of God.
When a man serves God on his own terms, he will refuse objective good advice and assure himself that his position is correct. All he has to do is say: “Customs do not matter, clothing does not matter, I am going to Mass and praying and that is all that matters!” If he reads the verse in Ecclesiasticus (19:27), he will brush it off and pretend it refers to customs relative to the society of that time, and not some objective truth for all times, and be done with it.
The effect on marriage
What effects does this unwillingness to change customs have on a man’s marriage? When he returns to the Faith and repents of his mortal sins, he sets progress in his dignity and manners on a back burner. He begins to habitually tell himself, “Things are okay” and “I am doing fine” and “There is no need to change anything else.”
The father’s example changes the tonus of the family
His wife, who is more likely to have changed her customs with the return to tradition, opens her eyes to the state of her husband. She sees that the attire of his body is that of a foolish boy, his laughter and expressions are erratic and rowdy, his gaits and gestures without discipline or order. It becomes an increasing suffering for her as she continues to grow and walk alone in dignity and good customs. Since she is expected to follow this man who does not give good example or serious direction, she begins to resent him, and this affects not only her own spiritual life but the harmony in the home she craves.
For a man to change today, let him read, contemplate this verse, understand it well, and put it into practice. Let it become a part of his way of being and be at the forefront of his thoughts and actions and lead him to make correct decisions in his personal and family life.
If the truths in this verse are disregarded as irrelevant, the man will fall into self-deception. For, in short, he is denying and rejecting the fruit of thousands of years of Catholic effort to correct bad human tendencies to build a Catholic Civilization.
To be continued
A man must change his whole way of being
when he climbs the mountain of virtue
Posted April 1, 2026
______________________
______________________
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |